


Unsaid

by my inner glow (misha_anon)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: spnkink_meme, Fluff and Angst, M/M, No Sex, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-07
Updated: 2013-07-07
Packaged: 2017-12-17 23:38:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/873225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misha_anon/pseuds/my%20inner%20glow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein Dean tells Sam how he feels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for [this prompt](http://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/73050.html?thread=25478746#t25478746). This takes place immediately following 8x19 and there's no sex, but I rated it "Mature" for implied incest anyway.

The thing Dean hates more than any other about this life is the sheer number of things he's had to leave unsaid because the moment wasn't right or there wasn't time or he was too scared to put himself out there. While 'no chick flick moments' is fine in _theory_ , in practice it leaves a lot to be desired. Maybe it's seeing those he loves die again and again or, hell, maybe he's just finally grown up. Either way, he resolves that this time will be the time he spills his guts to Sam. 

The only problem is that when Sam makes it back from Purgatory, nothing goes the way Dean meant for it to, then Crowley and Naomi show their unwanted faces and it blows his plan of telling Sam just exactly how important he is out of the water. At least he can take consolation in the fact that he wasn't in mid-confession when Crowley showed up. That bastard never would have let him live it down. 

So, Dean swallows it all down. Again. He and Sam do what has to be done and, having safely sent Bobby's soul to Heaven, they head out to find Kevin. On the drive to the nearest motel, Dean wonders for the umpteenth time whether all this is really worth it. He sneaks glances at Sam when he can and, seeing his little brother's weakened state in these unguarded moments, the worry that constantly hangs over his head drops just that little bit closer.

***

The first thing Sam does when they get into their room is pull out his laptop, all revved up to dig into research about.. _something_. Before he even has a chance to open it, however, Dean puts a stop to the plan. Sam is chattering away the way he does when he's on edge about something, and Dean puts his hand in the middle of the laptop's lid.

"How about a beer first? It can wait that long, can't it?"

Sam nods as he stares at Dean's hand before he finally snaps himself out of it to look up and gives a tired smile.

"Yeah. Yeah, it can wait. A beer sounds good right about now."

Dean's stomach pitches nervously as he smiles back, gives a little nod, then goes to retrieve two of the still cold beers they picked up when they got into town. He takes care of the caps easily and offers a bottle to Sam as he pulls up the second chair to face his brother, knees almost touching. Sam is watching him, face drawn and wary, as Dean swallows and lifts his bottle.

"To gettin' the fuck outta Purgatory in one piece."

Sam flinches at the words and Dean curses himself silently. Goddammit. He wasn't going to fuck this up. He clears his throat as Sam opens his mouth to say something.

"Wait. I didn't mean it like that, Sam. It's not.. that wasn't - "

"No, I know you didn't. I know. I just.. I _didn't_ know. I get it, now."

Dean's chest clenches. All the apologies Sam has offered before for not looking for him in Purgatory rang hollow. This, though; this is different. Sam is holding Dean's gaze with his lower lip caught between his teeth and for the first time since Dean got out, he really believes that his brother is sorry. He swallows and nods and taps the mouth of his bottle against Sam's.

"To _brothers_ ," he corrects. The smile that lights up Sam's face warms him from the inside out and makes the tops of his ears burn.

"To brothers."

Dean drains half his beer in one swig. If he's going to go through with this, he's got to find some courage _somewhere_. The beer is cold and smooth and steadies his jangled nerves just by existing.

"Life used to be so much simpler, you know?" Dean watches Sam, feeling him out. Sam nods and offers a rueful grin, takes another drink of his beer as Dean continues, "We used to know what was right and what wasn't. It was sure easier when the world was black and white."

"I don't think it was _ever_ as black and white as you thought it was, Dean." Sam's chuckle and pointed look make Dean's hackles rise, but he bites his tongue, takes another drink, and forces himself to chuckle along.

"Yeah, you're probably right," he concedes in a tone that he hopes is good natured. He smiles again and nods his head for emphasis. Now or never. He takes a deep breath and finishes off his beer before he speaks again. "Point was, I know that _now_. I know that sometimes things seem wrong but they aren't."

Sam's got that 'I'm really trying to figure out what you're saying here, but really what are you saying here' look on his face as he nods slowly. Dean sighs. For some stupid reason, he thought this was going to be easier.

"I love you, Sammy."

Before Sam has a chance to answer, Dean pushes up out of the chair and takes off across the room after another beer. He's still got his back to his back to Sam when the response comes.

"I.. love you, too? You're my brother. I thought love was sort of implied."

Dean's stomach tightens unhappily and he takes his time opening his second beer, dreading having to turn around. He takes another long draw to settle his nerves before he does.

"That's not what I meant." He looks Sam right in the eye, fingertip tapping nervously against the neck of his beer bottle. "I mean I _love_ you, Sam. You're the most important person in my life. Hell, you always have been. You've always been at the top of the list for me, even ahead of Dad. And I know you want out of this life and want to have a family and an apple pie life with two-point-five kids. And I know I can't stop you from doing that. I wouldn't want to stop you from being happy even if I could. But.."

Sam's eyes are wide and he ducks his head to stare at his beer, nodding slowly as Dean's words sink in. Dean pauses to roll the next words around on his tongue while Sam turns the bottle up to finish it in one drink. He waits until Sam is looking at him again, gauges the damage he's already done against what he's about to say and jumps in with both feet.

" _You_ are all I want. You and me in a nice little fixer-upper and we can put up a white picket fence and grill burgers every night and watch TV and drink beer and sometimes a little whiskey. I just want to know that you're always going to be in my life. I can't stand the thought of anything else."

Dean takes another gulp from his bottle and closes his eyes, waiting for the fallout. When it doesn't come, he tentatively opens one eye to look at Sam. Sam's head is bobbing in that little stunned nod that Dean is all too familiar with and he's blinking slowly, almost comically so, while he rolls his empty bottle between his fingers and looks at the label like it's written in Enochian. Dean tries to give him a minute, he does, but when the silence stretches on and his stomach rolls again, he can't wait any longer.

"Please say something, Sammy."

Sam's head jerks up as though he'd forgotten there was anyone in the room with him. He's still nodding that slow little nod as his eyes meet Dean's again. Dean considers retracting his previous statements, trying to play them off as a stupid beer-induced joke, but he knows Sam wouldn't go for that. The cat's out of the bag, now, and there's no putting it back in. Sam's head finally stops bobbing and he clears his throat.

The last thing Dean is expecting is the smile that spreads slowly across Sam's face, wide and toothy and genuinely happy for the first time in weeks. He never thought Sam would run screaming - well, not really - but he also didn't expect him to offer up the empty bottle and say, "I think I need another beer."


End file.
